I’ve been feeling antsy today. I can’t still still at my desk at work. I keep shifting, crossing and uncrossing my legs, sitting cross-legged in the chair, getting up to walk around, rocking back and forth… I’m basically acting like a four year old. I’m about two seconds away from biting my chair or gnawing on my computer, just to mix things up a bit.
Over lunch, I stumbled across James A. Martin’s blog “A Southerner in San Francisco.” His latest post talks about American’s inability to be content with the status quo:
Unlike, say, the Italians, who savor il dolce far niente, Americans typically don’t know how to be appreciate “the sweetness of doing nothing.” We’re rarely content with where we are, what we have, who we are, and what we do. We’re always looking for something else, something new, something more.
It’s like he plucked my own thoughts out of my mind!!
I realized that’s my problem today. I’m not doing enough. Sure, I’m working, sitting here doing what I get paid to do on a daily basis, but that isn’t enough. On a day-to-day basis, admist the work, I am usually squeezing in freelance articles I write over my lunch break, prioritizing my goals, planning scenes for my novels, jotting out ideas, and researching various projects I have. Today, however, all I’ve been doing is working. I haven’t been doing anything that helps the forward momentum towards my personal goals.
It feels like a waste.
I get that I’m paid to work. But I always multitask working for someone else and doing my own thing. I can’t help it. Unless I keep a notepad next to me where I can jot down ideas, I literally become incapacitated by holding them all in my mind while I am trying to do things. It scrambles my brain or something. Hardware malfunction by thought overload. Writing them down and organizing them is the only way I stay focused.
When I was in law school, the end goal was to become an attorney. That was my life for three years. Since graduating, I haven’t had tangible goals with end dates. My goals are ones like, “Be a New York Times Best Selling Author” or “get really in shape with a pre-shaved-head-meltdown Britney Spears abs” or “become a really awesome person to attract ideal man.” This has made me feel like a complete slacker. Nevermind I have a law degree and a job and a freelance writing career and loving friends and family. That isn’t enough. I need to do and have MORE.
Don’t get me wrong. I love relaxing and doing nothing. I certainly can spend a lazy Sunday laying out at the beach, or staring at the stars on a clear night, or napping in the afternoon after spending a couple hours reading. But I get to enjoy those sweet moments of doing nothing because I feel that I accomplish so much when I am trying to work.
So it’s clear. I need to set timelines to accomplish everything.
And besides, how am I going to get new, better goals unless I accomplish all of these ones first?